{God is the only one who forgets}

   this past weekend, Tara talked about forgiveness and how we need to learn to forgive and empy all of our bitterness. i came to realize that i just push people out of my life, instead of forgiving. to me, "forgive and forget" is pretty much ending my connection with them and moving on, yet the bitterness is still there. its frustrating to realize.
   honestly, i dont mind that many of these people are out of my life, but when i reflect, i feel major bitterness. i was reminded that God is the ONLY one who can forgive and forget, so dealing with bitterness needs to be a priority in my life! and all of us!
   the past few weeks have been a constant reminder of many situations that i need to face head on and move on from. in the midst of it all, i'm glad that i have a husband that is on my side 100% and is there to protect me emotionally.
   the longer we are married, the more my trust is building in him, and i am seeing him as my safety net, and my home as my haven. God is good and he designed marriage just for this...support, safety and love!

"search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting"

psalm 139:23-24

{good intentions}

   looking back at the past month, its been a blur! i think its so easy to forget priorities in life, and let life just fly by. being sick for 2 weeks didnt help, but still...
   the last few years, its been my goal to be intentional.

• intentional in taking note on lifes lessons
• intentional on knowing good deals at certain stores/restaurants (growing up!)
• intentional of conversations and how i converse with people
• intentional with my relationship with God and how it needs to constantly be improving
• intentional with my relationships with family/friends
• intentional on being uplifting and encouraging
• intentional with prayer and intercession 

   last night, we had an even called FORWARD at The Vineyard Church. it was so powerful and so amazing. we did a lot of "crazy prayer" (thats what i call it anyways). full on, heart/mind/soul indulging prayer for our area. we went all out and it felt great. it just reminded me of how much more intentional i need to be at being a CHRISTIAN. i am in a divine romance, and i need to be intentional in all i say and do for my Jesus. hopefully, this month, i look back and think to myself, "wow...Jesus did a lot through me!"
   on another note, please join with me in prayer for Narumi, my brothers girlfriend. she lives just outside of Tokyo and hasnt been able to sleep the past 2 days due to the many aftershocks. she is terrified, and it breaks my heart! its our jobs as Christians to intercede for the world, so lets do it!
Psalm 4:1-
Answer me when I call to you,
   my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
   have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

"Answer, Narumi, when she calls to you, my righteous God.
Give, Narumi, relief from distress; have mercy on, Narumi, and hear her prayer!"
"Answer, Japan, when it calls to you, my righteous God.
Give, Japan, relief from distress; have mercy on, Japan, and hear their prayers!"

{ "as long as we tithe, God will provide" }

   the past few weeks have been so rewarding, and since i've been sitting here tonight reflecting, i cant believe how blessed i truly am.
   in the past few weeks, God has blessed us with small financial contributions by housesitting, babysitting and i even got to coordinate a wedding! its been a crazy February, but Gods goodness has been in the chaos! joel and i's phrase is "as long as we tithe, God will provide"...and its been proven true! God does not fail us!
   since the fall, ive had the privelage of helping coordinate a wedding for 2 of my volunteers. their whole family is very involved in the childrens ministry at Vineyard, so it was incredible to be alongside them in this process. my mother-in-law was the other coordinator, and i must say, we did a good job :) it was perfect, and they are truly a great example of a Godly couple to their friends and family. congratulations Graig & Andrea!

   on another note, i have the flu :-/ the kids we watched this weak were just getting over the flu, and i guess i still caught it! but i made it through the wedding (and church), which was beautiful and made me honestly forget how aweful i felt and how messy our place is. our home is a large laundry/mud room. but it makes it homey :)
   my husband has been so sweet today. making me toast, getting me blankets, making me some Emergen-C (we are strong believers in this stuff!), getting me water at 2:30 am and praying over my stomach when i'm not sure whats going on (lol). i love being married. i love being loved. and i loved being reminded this weekend of how beautiful and powerful a marriage covenant is!

{God's face is B-E-A-UTIFUL}

the song below is such an important song to me. for years, i have been told how beautiful i am to my God, and my creator. years and years of being told that i was a unique and precious creation...
   on a youth retreat last year, we sang this song and it was the first time i had ever heard it. it was one of those moments where you are truly in AWE of who God is and what he does. i had always been told, that when you pray, praise God and THANK Him for what he has done and is doing for you, then ask your requests. i am also always thinking about the characteristics of God, but i had NEVER thought about how "beautiful" God was...let alone think of TELLING/SINGING to him how beautiful he is. singing this song was so liberating and incredible. i hope you understand my short and simple point. telling God HE WAS BEAUTIFUL and to turn that whole process around was a very life changing and emotional moment.
   Here are the lyrics and the link:

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful (x2)

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
I see Your face

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

Youtube link: You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham

{my husband, my warrior}

   since i've been married to Joel, my spiritual warfare that i have occasionally has been exposed...and now that i'm writing this, its even more exposed :) satan does not like me. he does not like what i do. and i LOVE that! i think that means i'm doing something right...right?
   right before we got married, i got hired on as staff at our church. i was warned, that now that i'm in the ministry, to be strong and more prepared due to satan being upset. that very night, i was attacked at my weakest. on our honeymoon, we were sick the whole time, and we were sick pretty much until 2 months after our wedding. satan knew i was tired, and that only made me more ANGRY and STRONG in the coming months.
   that night, all i had to do was roll over, tell Joel what happened, and he prayed over me. its SO nice to know that i have a husband who fights for me in my moments of weakness. he has done this several times now, and the peace that comes over me is tremendous. his verse comes to mind:
   "there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love" 1 John 4:18
   Joel and i's love may not be perfect, but we sure try. and when we invite Jesus into our room (home), HIS perfect love drives out all of our fear and attacks. every environment that God creates, there is no fear. i pray a 'hedge of protection' over our marriage, home, jobs and families. in Job when satan is asking God what all he can do with Job, in Job 1:10 satan says to God, "have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has?"
   Job 1 gives me so much comfort. this chapter shows me 2 things:
1. satan does not have control. God ALWAYS has the control. and its not like there is a constant spiritual dog fight around us constantly, satan is on a leash that God holds. it is ALL in Gods hands consitantly. satan can do nothing that God does not notice.
2. Job did not curse God...so why should i? when troubles come, or when i am being attacked, i try so hard not to ask, "why God? why?", instead, i declare that i am a child of God in the name of Jesus, and the fear is driven out and peace sets in. and when peace sets in, things dont look so bad.

I pray that people know within their hearts and minds, that no circumstances change who God is nor His character. satan is a growling, roaring lion who prowls around us, who knows us and studies us. we need to be just as alert as he is, so that we, as Christians, are on top of using the power that we already carry with us, which is in Christ Jesus.

{hearing God}

   like i said in my first post, the past few weeks ive really been hearing God tell me where to go in life, and that involves more devotional and prayer time with Him! its incredible of how God can use us. the past few years have been a major growth time for me in the area of prayer.
   growing up, i thought that i had to have a very specific amount of time with God every day, and that i had to journal, read the bible...etc. due to my past of going to a private christian school, i have always been burdened with devotions. this is only because i used to be graded on them. it was a rough time! for years i have thought that i needed to be graded or approved on what i had learned in my devotional time.
   so, the past few years i have truly been trying to grow in the area of prayer. its been such an amazing journey. its the simple things, such as talking to God while knowing He is always right next to me. talking to him in the car, on walks, at the grocery store, at my desk, while i'm cooking..etc. those simple conversations and prayers have led me to where i am today. through prayer exercises, i have seen what God can do! its the small things, such as walking by someone and knowing how they are feeling, having the urge to pray with someone as you are talking to them, waking up and being told to pray for a friend or family member, being told to call/text someone about what God wants me to tell them. its been so incredible!
   i share this only to let people know that it is possible. God does not yell nor does he show up glowing and point us where to go. its the tug on the heart, the thoughts and ideas that come to mind. its the suddenly waking up with a sad and heavy heart. the unexplained emotions as you pass someone or hear thier name. sometimes it may sure seem crazy, and i say to myself 'surely, that person isnt dealing with that!'. BUT we are all human, and if you are fully committed to hearing what He has to say, and doing what He needs you to do, you will know a whole unseen world. Jesus uses us to let others know what they cannot hear. "he who belongs to God hears what God says. the reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God" - john 8:47
   i am not saying that if you are a Christian, and you cannot hear God, that you are fooled and you are not a Christian. what i am saying, is that it IS possible to hear God. you are fully equipped. you have the tools! choose to let God use you in this way, and clear your minds and hearts so that God can do His work.
"for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"- Ephesians 2:10

now go be Jesus!